In other words, what is your identity?
That's a really big thing to think about, and if you're like me, it's probably hard for you to know exactly where to start. So we're all going to journal about a simple prompt that will help you figure this out:
Who do you admire?
And this doesn't have to be someone who you one hundred percent, wholly admire. It could just be admiration for a certain area of their life: their financial life, their career, their fitness, their spirituality, their family.
Take a moment to reflect, write it down.
Understanding who you admire is a great way to create a roadmap for your life. For example, if you admire a certain world leader, you will immediately have a bunch of tools to learn how to become more like them. You can listen to their speeches, read their biography, and learn all the things that they had to overcome in order to get to where they are.
You'll also find that this person is imperfect, just like the rest of us! Hopefully, this will help you have a bit more compassion for yourself as you strive to grow and be better. Remember: no one does it perfectly. We're all making mistakes along the way!
Once you know the qualities that you want to have, you can start to explore what you "self identity" is. And by that, I mean- who do you want to say you are? For example, you might say "I am a CrossFitter" or "I'm a runner." Since you're that person, you can start to consider questions like:
For instance, if you're a runner, you're probably going to set a goal for how many miles you run a week, and how much you want to improve your mile time. You're going to fit running into your scheduler, because that's what runners do. And you're not going to stay out until 3 AM on a Friday night, doing tequila shots and eating McDonalds, because that will make you feel crap for your long run on Saturday! Because of how you see yourself, it's suddenly easier to make decisions based on long-term gains, rather than the short-term reward of a cheeseburger.
Having an identity makes decision-making easier. However, it still takes work. A common workaround that people try to do is buy all the things associated with an identity. But deep down, you know that buying the shoes and the energy gels doesn't make you a runner! Getting those miles in, AKA doing the hard stuff, is the only way to really embody that identity.
Outside of your athletic identity, you also have your religious identity. Religion is an amazing way to more guide the decisions of your life. If you're Jewish and keep kosher, for example, you'll easily be able to ignore any foods that don't meet your guidelines. There could be the most delicious plate of ribs in front of you, but you know- that's not for me! The decision is made. You could be invited out on a Friday night but you know, that's the night I have shabbat dinner with my family. You've got some guardrails in place for your life.
There's also your family identity. When it relates to your parents, do you think that you're a good child or a bad child? What are the characteristics associated with that? Are you a warm, loving, and forgiving person? Or not so much? It might sound obvious which choice you want to make, but it's still powerful to claim that identity out loud- and then make decisions based on that.
Next is your work identity. Here, it's easy to just say, "I'm a software engineer." But there's more than that! Are you a professional? Are you a scripter, or are you an engineer that understands code patterns? Are you a test-first engineer, or are you a shiny toy engineer who wants to plug in as many new things as possible into your code?
Having a work identity, and people you look up to that align with it, is a massive cheat code for upleveling your professional life. Look at Uncle Bob. He wrote a book called Clean Code. If you believe that he's a mentor, then there are certain standards he talks about that you can adhere to. If you're a follower of Uncle Bob, I know that you're going to be all about test-driven development. That drives your actions and how you show up at work!
When you dive deeper into your identity, you'll probably run into ways that you want to alter your life. Some of those changes might include things that we've discussed in the first few weeks of this course, including:
Asking yourself "Am I being self-directed, or are others directing my time for me?" Questioning which relationships in your life serve you, and which you want to change Identifying a big project in your life, and breaking it down into tasks that you can fit into your calendar Creating the space in your life to do what you want to do Surrounding yourself with the types of people who can help you get where you want to go
Remember: we're not here to change our lives overnight. We're here to make small changes, bit by bit.
All of these questions, and the tools that we have explored along the way, are designed to underscore how much agency you actually have- and encourage you to use that agency to create the self you want to be. At the end of the day, the only person who can change your path is you. It's all in your hands.
In other words: Good news, it's all your fault!
Yes, this is an uncomfortable truth. You're going to mess up along the way. But you have great company in the people of this group, as well as in all the content that your mentors have created!
What Comes Next?
Believe it or not, we're wrapping up this iteration of the course. But don't worry, I'm not going to leave you high and dry.
A few months from now, on June 17, we're going to a virtual check-in for people from this course. We'll get together to discuss what has been going well, and what you want support with.
In addition, I'll be sharing content from this course on my website, kuty.sh. You can follow along there and subscribe at XXX to be alerted when I post something new. I'll also be sharing a list of all the resources from this course, organized by week.
That being said, I have an ask and an offer for those of you who are excited to stay engaged with this work:
Ask: As new posts go up on my website, check it out and leave a comment! This will be a great way to refresh your knowledge on what we discussed during this course, and let people know the new things you've been learning since we parted ways.
Offer: I'm also going to re-record this course for anyone who wants to participate asynchronously. So everyone in this course will get an email when that's ready. Stay tuned!
Thank you all for being part of the first version of this course! I really appreciate your time, and your engagement. I hope you got something helpful out of this, and I look forward to staying in conversation around these topics!