So far, this course has been about the more basic rungs of self-improvement, mostly your habits. But today we're going to discuss cultivating your moods, your identity, and how you relate to yourself.
Cultivating yourself is like cultivating plants. And as any gardeners here will understand, you don't force anything in nature to grow. You don't give your lilies a 4-point plan, and you don't yell at your roses to perk up. Instead, you create the right environment for them to flourish naturally. You give them the right amount of sun, water, and food- and those needs are different depending on the plant. Then, when they are well taken care of, they are the healthiest, strongest versions of themselves!
Well, people are the same. We all need certain things to create the right environment for us to understand ourselves more deeply, get stuff done, and feel powerful. And to be clear, we're not used to doing this. The second we have a moment of free time, we try and fill it. Is this helpful? No! But it's human nature. So creating time to reflect on yourself will feel strange. But it's worth it, and has major benefits.
That's why today we're going to dive into different tools-- story-telling, the enneagram, and the Kolby system- to help us get there. If even one of these resonates with you, I highly recommend you learn more about it and experiment with the modality.
We are biologically wired to pay attention to stories. We've been doing it since the dawn of time: listening to someone share around a campfire or dinner table, reading a book, or watching TV. We'll take a story in as many forms as it comes!
Then, we use these tales to define ourselves. When we hear a story, we imagine ourselves as the hero!
(By the way, this is a great reason to read biographies. You'll probably end up asking yourself the question, "How can I be like this person? What's the first step I can take?")
In Storyworthy, Matthew Dicks argues that a story is a five-second moment in time where the hero changes. And the recipe of story-making is to take that moment of change at the end, and find the opposite at the start. You'll hear a lot more about this when Matthew comes to talk to us next week!
Warning: I might ruin movie-watching for you right now. So if you don't want to listen, cover your ears!
If you pay attention, all of our movies are telling a story. If it starts with a partying drug dealer who's making money hand over fist, he'll probably lose it all, make new friends, and find morality by the time the credits roll.
Yet stories aren't just for movies and celebrities. They're a part of our everyday life. In Storyworthy, Dicks gives his readers a challenge that will help them use story to understand themselves on a deeper level. He calls it "homework for life." The idea is to, at the end of the day, write a narrative about what happened. Becoming aware of your slight changes, day by day, is how you capture your growth. By resolving to pay attention, you are cultivating the space to celebrate that growth.
That's the power of taking the time to notice.
People who do this report that they pay more attention in their everyday lives, and feel more connected to their story.
The Enneagram suggests that each personality type has a specific path to growth, which involves understanding and transforming certain negative aspects of their personality into positive traits. By identifying your Enneagram type, you can gain insights into your own behavior patterns, motivations, and interpersonal dynamics, leading to greater self-awareness and growth.
The Enneagram also teaches you what type of protective armor you've developed over time- AKA the shield that you assume has always been there, yet actually grew over time. But if you truly want to cultivate yourself, you need to figure out what's underneath your hard shell. That is who you truly are!
The Kolbe System, developed by Kathy Kolbe, focuses on understanding and identifying the natural ways in which people take action when they are free to be themselves.
Unlike personality tests that measure how people feel or what they believe, the Kolbe System assesses cognitive strengths—the instinctive ways we approach and solve problems. It categorizes people's actions into four "Action Modes," each representing a different approach to handling tasks and challenges.
For example, people who score highly in the "Fact Finder" action mode are naturally inclined to gather and analyze information before taking action. They are thorough researchers, detail-oriented, and prefer to make decisions based on comprehensive data and a deep understanding of the subject matter. Fact Finders are driven by the need to assess accuracy and risks, often asking probing questions and seeking clarity. In a team setting, they are valuable for their ability to provide detailed analyses and ensure that decisions are well-informed.
Those who exhibit a strong "Quick Start" action mode are the innovators and risk-takers. They are energized by spontaneity, new ideas, and the challenge of starting projects. Quick Starts are not afraid of failure, seeing it as a step towards discovery and success. They excel in environments that require adaptability and creativity, often sparking change and inspiring others with their enthusiasm for exploration and experimentation. In teams, they drive innovation and are often the catalysts for new initiatives and solutions.
The Kolbe System's assessment of these four action modes offers insights into how individuals can best leverage their natural talents, work effectively with others, and achieve personal and professional fulfillment. By understanding and respecting the diverse ways people take action, teams and organizations can optimize performance and harmony.
Another area for cultivating understanding of ourselves is how we speak and read. Our patterns in those areas show what we care about, what we trust, and where our prejudices lie. This reading from one of my teachers, Fernando Flores, perfectly illustrates this idea:
Trying any of these tools will not lead to automatic growth. You need to sit with what you learn, and talk to others about it. Slowly, over time, you will have realizations about yourself. But you need to be consistent in your journey of uncovering new things about yourself! Otherwise, you'll lose the gems that you find.
Continue to work on everything we've talked about so far. If you have space and time, try to:
Remember, this is all advanced work, and just takes time. Just like those plants.